The stories we don’t tell at work change us the most.
Writing about infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and career disruption.
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I Was A Singer Before I Was An Artist
On achievement, artistry, and the things we only understand in adulthood For most of my life, I’ve loved to sing, but It wasn’t until recently that I ever thought of myself as an artist. That realization didn’t come from a music theory class or a particularly moving rehearsal. It came from watching my parents cry in the audience. A few years ago, after joining Berkshire Concert Choir, I began experiencing choral music differently than I ever had before. Growing up, most of my choir experiences focused on the music itself – learning notes, mastering rhythms, blending with the ensemble, preparing…
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Nobody Told Me I’d Think About Milk This Much
24 Hours Inside a Pumping Mom’s Brain People talk about the time it takes to breastfeed and pump. The feeding itself. The pumping sessions. The washing bottles. The washing pump parts. The storage bags. The milk transfers. The freezer inventory. And yes, those things take time, but I knew they would. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much brain space it would take. There’s a background process running in my mind all day long. Like a computer program quietly consuming memory. It never fully shuts off. Sometimes it’s loud. Sometimes it’s barely noticeable. But it’s always there. Here’s a…
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Navigating the Uncertainty of Secondary Infertility
I always thought having a second child would be simple. After all, we did it once—why not again? But three years in, with negative tests piling up and hope flickering like a candle in the wind, I find myself asking questions I never expected: Do I really want it THAT badly?Is wanting a second child a ‘no’ if it’s not a ‘hell yes’ every single day? Why do I feel like I should be trying harder and wanting this more? These aren’t the neat, reassuring questions that come with certainty. They are exhausting, spiraling thoughts, the kind that swirl in…
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Please Don’t Ask Me When I’m Having A Second Child
The day after my husband and I got married, we started hearing the question: “When are you going to have kids?!” As soon as my son was born, people began asking when we would be having another child. I have always been able to laugh this off, knowing our plans for our family are our business — and that it’s silly, presumptuous, and rude of anyone to ask. But now that so many of our friends and family members are having their second children — many whose first were born at the same time or after ours — it’s getting harder and…
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What If This Is The Last Time?
Motherhood is filled with so many firsts. We cherish the moment when our child smiles for the first time or takes their first steps or hops on the bus for the first day of school. Firsts are fleeting. They happen, and then we settle into a new normal — childproofing the house for a baby who can now crawl, adding a daycare drop-off to our morning commute, or taking school holidays into account when planning family trips. We look forward to the firsts, as they usher in new phases of our parenting journey, and our child enters a new stage in…
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Be Prepared: An Ode to My Diaper Bag
New motherhood is scary. It is a time of uncertainty and needing to let go of control. A time of questioning and losing trust in yourself. It may sound silly, but one of the things I leaned on the most for confidence in these early stages was my diaper bag. It was a gift to myself. Leather. A splurge. After a challenging pregnancy, birth, and post-partum period, this was my reward. An investment in myself, even. Well, sort of — it was still a diaper bag. But I digress. I would pack up my diaper bag with all the essentials — diapers…