How Non-Parents Can Support Parents at Work

(And How Parents Can Support Non-Parents, Too)

We talk a lot about supporting working parents. It shows up in policies. In benefits. In carefully worded statements about flexibility and inclusion. But support is not built in policies. It’s built in the day-to-day, in how we make decisions, how we communicate, and how we show up for each other.

One of the moments that has stayed with me the most did not come from a lack of policy. It came from a well-intentioned assumption. My colleagues were planning an impromptu dinner with a customer the evening before a plant visit. The customer was one I worked with closely. This was the kind of business dinner that isn’t mandatory, but matters. its relationship-building; career-building, and often includes the informal conversations where things actually move forward. The “room where it happens,” if you will.

I wasn’t invited.

Not because I wasn’t relevant. Not because I wasn’t needed. Not because I would be a wet blanket (I promise I’m not!).

But because someone assumed I would not be able to go.

I had a young child at home. The dinner was in the evening. They were trying to be considerate.

But, in doing so, they made a decision for me.

That moment has stuck with me because it was quiet. The kind of thing that does not show up in a policy review or an engagement survey. But it matters.

Support at work isn’t just about making space for people’s constraints. It is also about not shrinking their opportunities in the process.

My colleagues were showing consideration of me, BUT this consideration came in the form of making my decision for me. A decision that, when made consistently, or without further reflection, makes a big difference. I’m not naïve to the fact that NOT being in that room can cost career opportunities.

Most of the tension that comes out in the workplace around supporting parents does not come from a lack of care – It comes from a lack of clarity.

Parents worry about being seen as unavailable.
Non-parents worry about carrying more than their share.
And in the absence of clear norms, we start filling in the gaps with assumptions.

We assume who can stay late.
We assume who wants the opportunity.
We assume what is fair.

And we get it wrong more often than we think. Its not malicious, but it is short-sighted at best, inconsiderate, or even exclusionary at its worst.

If you are not a parent, supporting your colleagues is not about having the perfect script or fully understanding their lives, it’s about resisting the urge to decide for them.

Please, extend the invitation, even if you think they will say no. Take people at their word when they tell you they need to leave at a certain time. Make the work visible so effort does not quietly turn into resentment.

And when something feels off, name it as a system issue. Because when meetings run late, deadlines assume unlimited availability, or important conversations happen after hours, that is not a parent problem.

BUT, this isn’t one-sided; parents have a role here, too.

One of the hardest parts of being a working parent is not the logistics, it’s the perception. The quiet question of whether leaving at 4:30 signals a lack of commitment. The instinct to overcompensate. I’ve sure felt that pull, and I’ve learned that ambiguity doesn’t help anyone.

What does help is being clear.

Clear about when you are available and when you are not.
Clear about how you do show up.

Not defensively. Just matter-of-fact. The more visible we make our constraints and our contributions, the easier it is for teams to actually work with them. Fairness at work is not about everyone doing the same thing. It is about everyone having what they need to contribute meaningfully.

Sometimes that means a parent leaves early. Sometimes it means a non-parent takes uninterrupted focus time. Sometimes it means shifting work across days. The goal is not to keep score.

We should endeavor to build a work culture where people do not have to guess what is expected, or hide parts of their lives to meet it.

I would have gone to that dinner, and many others like it. Maybe not every time. Maybe not without planning, but I would have wanted the choice.

And that is the simplest way to think about support:

Do not assume. Do not decide for someone else. Design work in a way that makes room for real lives. Then trust people to meet you there.

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